I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
