Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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