Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
