Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
