Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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