In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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