I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize