"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
