At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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