my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
