Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
