this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize