Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
