You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
