we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
