haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
