I love black thongs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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