You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
