We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
