I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
