we have pet lesbian snakes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize