My Higher Power is John Stamos
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
