I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
