Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
