It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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