He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
