I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
