On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
