it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize