yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
