I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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