you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
