literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will pee on everything he values.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
