never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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