So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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