im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
