No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
