yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
