I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
