i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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