paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
