i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
being pregnant is like rehab
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
