why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
