i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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