worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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