I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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