Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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