Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
