just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
