whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize