he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
