I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
