"it" just moved
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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