new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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