Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
