So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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