I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
