the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
