you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The air was thick with penises
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
