i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
