i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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