Screwed.edu
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
