my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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