Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
