Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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