She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
