This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize