God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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