They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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