I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
