I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
