Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
